Ladies, I am sure you all have a ritual when you are getting ready for a night out. It does not matter if it is with your girlfriends, a date with your boyfriend, or a first date with a guy; getting ready for a night out is a ritual and they are ALL different. My getting ready ritual takes hours, some women take all day to relax and make sure they get it right. So men, here are a few things you don’t understand about our ritual.
1. It DOES take all day: A lot of women take all day so that we can relax and make sure we do not miss anything. It is a process to get all of our crap together! We can’t just shower, shit and shave…we have a mental checklist that we need to get through…so we’re not really sorry we take so long, because if we miss a step, you might notice and make fun of us, so just let it happen.
2. It does matter what we wear: You never know who you are going to run into when you are out so you do in fact need to look your best. Not to mention, when you know you look good, your confidence is elevated, and confidence is sexy, ergo, you feel sexy.
3. “I have nothing to wear”: It doesn’t mean we literally have nothing to wear, and we are going to go out naked. It means we have nothing new to wear or nothing we feel particularly confident in. So when we say that, maybe tell us what your favorite outfit of ours is…but do not get mad at us when we look at you like you have 3 heads because that outfit isn’t going to work. Just let us do our thing. We will find something.
4. 90% of the time our hair doesn’t come out right: It does not matter how hard we try, or how many times we try to do it a certain way, sometimes our hair has a mind of it’s own so if we are frustrated with our hair but you think it looks ok, its because it does look okay, but it wasn’t what we had in mind, and our outfit might not make sense, therefore we will have to go back to “I have nothing to wear”.
5. 90% of the time our makeup doesn’t come out right: Again, it doesn’t matter how hard we try, or how many times we try to do it a certain way, sometimes it just doesn’t want to go as it usually does. So when we are frustrated because our makeup didn’t come out right, but you think it looks fine, its because it probably does look fine, but it wasn’t what we had in mind, and our hair and outfit might not make sense, and we either have to go back to our outfit or our hair, but 9 times out of 10, we go back to our outfit.
6. When we look good, you look good: Sure, you suited up like Barney from How I Met Your Mother, but you have a gorgeous woman with you for the night, you could have gone to the bar or the party in jeans (let’s hope you didn’t, for goodness sake!) and you would still look good cause we make you look that way. You’re welcome.
7. The more you comment on us “taking forever” the longer we will take: Sorry guys, but if you cause our anxiety levels to rise and make us frustrated with you reminding us we’re going to be late…we are going to take longer…have you ever tried to apply liquid eyeliner when your hands are shaking because you want to punch your boyfriend because he is making you rush out the door? The answer is yes, we have all been there, so sit on the couch like a good boy, pop on sports center and wait.
8. We need help!: We do not need help getting dressed unless we can’t reach our zipper, I mean we need help walking to and from the bar, so just give us your arm…be a gentleman, we will be surprised and you will probably get lucky later because that is really affectionate and romantic. Especially help us to the car when we leave the bar, high heels plus 4 margaritas, you will probably be peeling us up off the pavement, so either hold our hand or give us your arm, it’s your job.
9. When we ask if we look okay, we want you to be honest, but be nice about it: If you do not like an outfit, don’t make fun of the outfit, suggest something else or help us pick something else. If you do not know what is in her closet though, this is a tricky situation. Again, do not get mad at us if we look at you funny when you suggest something that doesn’t fit the occasion.
10. We understand you do not understand fashion: It is okay you don’t know the difference between a romper and a jumpsuit…that’s okay, this is why we have gay best friends and girlfriends.
So guys, now that you understand that we take a lot of time so that we look good, stop giving us crap about taking so long…beauty takes time, nobody wants to go out with a girl that looks like she just rolled out of bed.